One Day At a Time

The author of a book on grieving I am reading said-  When you lose a parent, you lose your past.  When you lose a child, you lose your future.  Right now, that is what is so hard to think about- the future.  I find myself thinking I can make it through a day and then I start to think about the future.  Don't get me wrong- I still have moments when I feel guilty and angry about things I should have done differently in the past, but it is when I let myself think about tomorrow, or Maddy's birthday, or the holidays, or ....  that I get overcome with sadness.  The "experts" say to take it one day at a time.  I guess that is good, because I can't manage more than that.

I found this poem and it seems so appropriate and so like something Maddy would call me out on!

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,

She never did before.

But from now until she dies,

She'll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mom how she is

And because she can't explain,

She will tell a little lie

Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,

She'll say "I'm alright."

If that's the truth, then tell me,

why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is,

She seems to cope so well.

She didn't have a choice you see,

Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,

"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."

For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth,

Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,

I loved her all of mine.

But if you ask her how she is,

She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am Here in Heaven.

I cannot hug from here.

If she lies to you don't listen,

Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,

We'll smile and I'll be bold.

I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom,

With all the lies you told!"

-Unknown