Eight Months

It is hard to believe that Maddy has been gone for eight months. Some days it seems like only yesterday but other days it seems like forever.  To survive, we have just been keeping very busy.  We are getting tired though  and no matter how much we do, there are still those moments of down time when we realize the ache in our hearts and the nauseous feeling in the pit of our stomachs are still there!

A Friend Needs Help

When Maddy relapsed in February of 2011, Russ and I scoured the web for information on treatments.  We came across a list serve for parents of ALL kids who had relapsed.  Through this site, we met the family of a little boy from New Zealand named Pete.  Pete relapsed the same time as Maddy.  We would discuss treatments and the journey our kids were on with Pete’s mom, Bridget.  Pete has continued to fight but has relapsed several more times.  There are no more treatments available for him in New Zealand so his parents are attempting to raise the funds to bring him to the US  for a promising trial at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.  We had talked to the doctors in Philadelphia when Maddy relapsed the second time, but at that time the trial was not accepting patients with relapse in the CNS. Now they are and Pete is hoping to get into it.  Please visit his Facebook page to learn how you can help and you’ll see that even kids in New Zealand wear Maddy shirts!

 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Peter-Pirie-space-ranger/141609889350855

Happy Birthday!

It has been six months since we lost our precious Maddy. We miss her smile, we miss her laugh, we miss her hugs and kisses...  We  find ourselves still wondering how this happened.  It still just doesn't seem real- we are still waiting for her to walk through the door!

Today, Maddy would have turned 10 years old. We had a little party for her here on Earth and we hope she had a HUGE celebration in Heaven!  It has been a tough few days but we are thankful for all of our family and friends for your continued support!

Relay for Life

Saturday will mark the five month anniversary of Maddy's death.  I guess it is fitting that we will be Celebrating, Remembering, and Fighting Back at the Fulton County Relay for Life on Friday and Saturday, June 7 and 8.  Maddy loved Relay for Life.  She had told Mrs. Buehrer and Miss Heckel earlier that she was going to go to every meeting with them this year.  She was also determined to walk the 5K this year!  While Maddy is not able to be with us physically, her spirit is alive in all of us.  The ABC 4 Maddy team is stronger than ever and determined to honor her memory!

We hope to see you all there!!!!

Rob Froman, who read a poem he had written about Maddy at her memorial service, recently did a video for the Children's Miracle Network.  In it, he remembers Maddy!  It is a great reminder of why we need to continue this fight against CANCER!

Here is the link- you may have to cut and paste.

http://youtu.be/vOCnttAUGdg

Three Months

It will be three months tomorrow since Maddy passed away, but it feels like an eternity.  I wish I could say that it was getting easier, but I would not be telling the truth.  While we are able to make it through each day, I still fall asleep every night thinking of Maddy and wondering how this happened and it is the first thought in my head when I wake up each morning.  Today, I went through our office trying to sort through some piles that had been building.  Our office had been Maddy's classroom for the last three years- it broke my heart to go through her basket of school stuff.  I had to just leave her desk for another day.  I don't know if I will ever be ready to go through her bedroom.

On a brighter note, we have been told that there are now 6 potential bone marrow matches from the Bone Marrow Drive.  This gives us a little comfort knowing that others may be saved.

Finally, the ABC 4 Maddy Relay for Life team is selling memorial t-shirts until April 15th.   If interested, you can turn in your orders to Archbold Elementary School or let us know and we will get the order placed for you.

Number 2

Yesterday, we found out that Beverly Anne, a cousin, who "Got Swabbed" at the Bone Marrow Drive done in honor of Maddy was contacted as a potential bone marrow match for a patient with leukemia.  This makes number 2 that we know of so far!

Faith

We miss Maddy so much.  Our house just seems to be so quiet without her.

It takes a lot of energy to get through each day, but somehow God provides us with what we need to make it through.

Today, we found out that someone from Archbold who "Got Swabbed" at the Bone Marrow Drive done in honor of Maddy was contacted as a potential bone marrow match.  It is things like this that renew our Faith and give us some comfort knowing that something good has come out of all this.



P.S.

On March 18, 2013, Terry Henricks is hosting a St. Baldrick's event again.  The money raised through the St. Baldrick's Foundation goes directly the childhood cancer research.  You can check it out at:

http://www.stbaldricks.org/events/mypage/4276/2013

A Special Person

We have a lot of special people in our lives who have continued to support us in our time of need these past few weeks, but one person who has been amazing and has shown us HOPE, FAITH, and COURAGE through these tough days has been Julia-  Maddy's big sis and best friend.   It seems odd, but Julia has consoled us more than we have had to console her.  She is BRAVE and STRONG!  We are so blessed to have her in our lives!

Just last week, Mrs. Hurst gave us a few more of Maddy's school papers.  In them was a paragraph that Maddy wrote back in August.  It seems so appropriate to share:

A Special Person

by:  Maddy Lambert

     My older sister Julia is very special.  I can tell her anything.  She also plays with me.  It is so much fun. I like it when she helps me with things.  Julia does a lot of things for me.  My older sister Julia is AWESOME!

Dinner

For the past month we have been trying to keep busy- running to ball games and other events and just grabbing supper on the run or at a restaurant. Tonight was the first time in a long time that we actually cooked dinner and sat down at the table to eat- something we always looked forward to doing before but sometimes took for granted.  Tonight though, sitting at our table for four with one chair empty, was a sad reminder again of how a part of "us" is gone.

Note to self-  Take time to sit down as a family for a meal and NEVER take it for granted!

One Day At a Time

The author of a book on grieving I am reading said-  When you lose a parent, you lose your past.  When you lose a child, you lose your future.  Right now, that is what is so hard to think about- the future.  I find myself thinking I can make it through a day and then I start to think about the future.  Don't get me wrong- I still have moments when I feel guilty and angry about things I should have done differently in the past, but it is when I let myself think about tomorrow, or Maddy's birthday, or the holidays, or ....  that I get overcome with sadness.  The "experts" say to take it one day at a time.  I guess that is good, because I can't manage more than that.

I found this poem and it seems so appropriate and so like something Maddy would call me out on!

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,

She never did before.

But from now until she dies,

She'll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mom how she is

And because she can't explain,

She will tell a little lie

Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,

She'll say "I'm alright."

If that's the truth, then tell me,

why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is,

She seems to cope so well.

She didn't have a choice you see,

Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,

"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."

For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth,

Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,

I loved her all of mine.

But if you ask her how she is,

She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am Here in Heaven.

I cannot hug from here.

If she lies to you don't listen,

Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,

We'll smile and I'll be bold.

I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom,

With all the lies you told!"

-Unknown

Our New Journey

This blog started out as a way to easily update family and friends on Maddy's progress through her treatments, but over  time, it became much more- it became our way to share Maddy's life journey.  Now, we have embarked on a new journey.  One that is more difficult to share at this time, but one that will hopefully result in us keeping our promise to Maddy to continue what she started...

As Maddy's journey here on earth ended, our family's new journey without Maddy began.  The beginning of this journey is proving to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined.   "They" say there are different stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance...  You would think that one could move through these stages sequentially and then the grief would be over.  I wish this were the case.

There are days that I have experienced all the stages within the span of a few hours.  While each  day brings new and different challenges, I have found there is one constant-  the pain in my chest and stomach as if a part of me has been ripped out.

Our family also doesn't seem whole anymore.  The three of us sit in the living room watching TV in an awkward silence.  We go for a ride in the car in silence.  A part of our family is missing and we still haven't figured out how to function yet.

Everywhere I look at home and at school, I am reminded of Maddy.  One moment, this is comforting and the next it is heartbreaking.  It takes all my energy just to get through a day.

And so I am reminded-

Hope, faith and courage are the things you need to fight.  To stay brave and stay strong, these are what I keep in my heart and mind!

Thank You

Today we celebrated Maddy's life.  Again, thank you to everyone who was able to celebrate with us.

We would like to thank the Archbold and surrounding communities for all the support and generosity you have given our family over the past three years!  During the difficult times in Maddy’s journey, everyone was always there to lift us up and help carry us through these times.  For this, we will be forever grateful! 

It is our wish that Maddy will forever be remembered for her strength, courage, kind heart, and of course, her smile!  Abraham Lincoln said, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.”  Maddy lived more in nine years than many of us will live in a lifetime.  The memories she has left behind are what we will hold on to and cherish.  Thank you all again for being a part of these memories.

Below is the link to Maddy's video tribute:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6-IBu5eMWY

P.S.

It will take a while, but we want to figure out a way to honor Maddy and make a difference in this world as she did.  One small way we can do this is to continue to support those causes out there that we found to be so important as Maddy went through her journey.  One such cause is the Red Cross Blood Drive-  we would have never realized the number of transfusions a person fighting leukemia would need throughout treatment if it weren't for Maddy.  On Tuesday, January 15, the Red Cross is hosting a blood drive at Ruihley Park in Archbold from 11-5:30.  To schedule an appointment, call 1-800-Red-Cross.

Our Angel

Today, we buried our angel.  The mix of emotions is so great, I can't begin to sort them out yet.  I did want to share something though. Last night, I laid awake listening to the rain just pour down.  This morning, when I looked out the window, it was cloudy and dreary.  I thought to myself-  Maddy would not like this!  When we entered the church this morning to start the ceremony, it was still cloudy and looked like rain.    Then, towards the end of the ceremony when friends and family were giving their tributes to Maddy, the sun came out so brightly and shone through the stain glass windows of the church filling the entire church with light.  We always said that Maddy's smile could light up a room-  we believe Maddy was smiling down on us filling the entire church with light!  A sense of peace came over me at that moment.  I am sure we will need many more moments like this throughout the days and weeks to come, but feel secure in knowing that our angel is looking down on us!

Celebration of Life Arrangements

Visitation will be held in Founder’s Hall at Sauder Village in Archbold on Wednesday from 6:00 P.M. until 8:00 P.M. and also on Thursday from 2:00 P.M. until 8:00 P.M.  

A public Celebration of Maddy’s Life will be held at 11:00 A.M. Saturday, January 12, 2013 at the Archbold High School, with the Rev. Father Marty Nassr, officiating.  We ask that you come casual in your lime green and orange!

There will be a private family funeral service and burial in the Archbold Cemetery. 

The family requests that memorial contributions be given to Cure Search, ABC 4 Maddy Relay for Life, Conquer Childhood Cancer Now, or Make-A-Wish of Northwest Ohio. 

Grisier Funeral Home in Archbold has been entrusted with arrangements.

Dancing with Angels

Maddy entered the gates of Heaven this morning around 5:30 AM and is dancing with the angels free of all pain and suffering.  We can just imagine her smiling and laughing with a head full of long curly hair just like she wanted.

Feeling Helpless

It is good to be home and Maddy is resting peacefully.  We want to thank everyone for your continued prayers.  It sometimes feels like this just can't really be happening.  To just watch and wait is the most difficult thing-  Moms and Dads are supposed to make everything better...